it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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