Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
