My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We are all done wearing pants today
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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