Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Farmville is her only friend.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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