Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
