After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
