So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
