I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
