i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
