Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize