Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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