Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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