if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
