somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
