He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
