I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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