Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
