my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
