Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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