So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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