Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
They are going to name an STD after you.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
