dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
