and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize