i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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