During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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