Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the day after is always just damage control
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
