I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
