Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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