happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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