If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
