I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
