I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
