"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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