is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
it's like iHOP with fire
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
