Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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