You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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