I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can't turn off my feet"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
