so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
