my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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