It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
