because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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