omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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