it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
