i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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