so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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