I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
