Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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