I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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