i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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