Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
