Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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