the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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