just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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