don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The air taste purple.
Randomize
