fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
