dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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