I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
