im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
