My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
