Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
