I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
