Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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