Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
