At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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