I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize