If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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