I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Betty ford says i'm here all night
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
