The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
