he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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