You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
