The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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