just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
