did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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