I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
