I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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