I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
People in love make me want to vomit
I feel like abortions should bother me more
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
high people should be assigned attendants
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
