I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
