god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
