my sisters under your porch take her home
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
