If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
