drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
