I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
